When conflict shows up, play can turn the volume down

By Claudia Novo Castellví, Lady Play at ByBa

Why use creative games to de-escalate conflict

Every family experiences disagreements.
Moments of tension, frustration, emotional overload or clashing needs.

What matters is not avoiding conflict,
but how we move through it.

De-escalation and listening are two essential skills for family life.
They are deeply connected:
there is no real de-escalation without listening,
and genuine listening often reduces conflict intensity.

This is where creativity and play become powerful allies.

Play as a safe relational space

In a family context, creative play is not a way to avoid the problem.
It is a way to care for the relationship while addressing it.

When creative play enters a conflict:

• The problem is externalized (the problem is no longer the person).

• Emotions are acknowledged without judgment.

• Curiosity about the other is restored.

• Laughter, metaphor or surprise appear, lowering tension.

The emotional climate shifts.
And with it, the ability to think together.

We move from:
“You versus me”
to:
“Us facing the problem”.

That shift is a creative act in itself.

Three creative games to help de-escalate conflict

1. The House Under Construction

Objective: Move from blame to cooperation.

How to play:
Using blocks, lego or objects, build a house together.
Each person adds one piece and explains how it improves the construction.

Benefit:
The focus moves from mistakes to shared building.
Encourages responsibility, collaboration and solution-oriented thinking.

2. Change the Ending

Objective: Encourage cognitive flexibility.

How to play:
One person tells the conflict as if it were a movie.
Others suggest alternative endings—realistic, creative or playful.
Choose one ending everyone would be willing to try.

Benefit:
Reduces rigid thinking and opens multiple paths forward.

3. “You Are Me” / “I Am You”

Objective: Turn conflict into cooperation.

How to play:
With a playful, curious tone, the adult suggests:
“I think we’re not understanding each other…
Want to play something? I’ll be you, and you’ll be me for a bit.”

If the child hesitates, clarify:
“This isn’t to argue—it’s to play at understanding.”

👉 Important: the adult always starts.
The adult models empathy, never irony.

Example (adult as child):
“I’m you, and I’m very angry because I didn’t want to stop playing.
I felt sad when you yelled at me.”

The child responds as the “adult”.
Common responses include:
“Because it’s time.”
“Because there are rules.”
“Because something bad could happen.”

No correction.
Only listening.

Benefit:
Builds empathy, perspective-taking and mutual understanding.
Conflict becomes relational learning.

Essential for the Creative Family

Creative play doesn’t remove conflict,
but it transforms how we experience it.

It reminds us that even in disagreement,
we can still be a team.

Play is a way to de-escalate—
and also to imagine new ways of living together.